Presentation Pedagogical Paradox

 Pedagogical paradox.

Somehow my disconnection with the context was so great that I specifically asked two assessors to give me feedback on pedagogy (see the forms page). Then I completely obliterated any kind of pedagogical interaction by presenting so much information about my process. In my mind at that moment I wanted to lay things out and show some examples and have a dialogue, but this is the trap of stress, I presented myself to the group in a way that completely contradicted this premise. It is not about the intention but about the action, how they relate. The internations inform the actions but this is also viceversa, with the best of intentions we can completely miss very obvious factors, such as what can I say in ten minutes? or, how do I include the group in the conversation? Likewise if my actions are not coherent with my intentions there may be problems too. For example, accommodating the right reciprocity dynamics, yet have a very vague vision of the elements I want to present. Both ways are problematic mainly because they deprive the presenter and the group of a valuable chance to interact and learn.

Just the day before I encountered a pedagogically challenging situation with one of our students, this is a 1st year student from the Audiovisual Design Major. The context is a feedback session I shared with our colleague Koert Davidse. One of the students joined us to talk about his resit plan. His body language and tone of voice were heartbreaking, it felt like he had no soul. He could not form complete phrases and had a very hard time describing why he was there. I had already read his resit plan and noticed that he was quite lost, he wanted to repeat a production process that had been already very unclear and unproductive. I prepared a very empathic email, yet the course leader suggested I was harder, asking critical questions and calling him into action. The student came to the feedback session, that is a very good thing, but the critical questions did not do the trick for him. He could not understand what was expected of him and wanted us to tell him what to do. Noticing this confusion and anxiety I thanked him and treated him in the most welcoming and accommodating manner, explained that this process was about him and asked what was the aspect of the assignment that made him uncomfortable. He was very clear when he started citing his struggles, he felt out of place, there were some limitations in his particular assignment (Rotterdam/DH Airport) that were completely out of touch with his ambitions(use vintage equipment, color, sound and music) Koert used this opportunity to ask more about him, to tell us what he liked, he’s a musician, had very clear references of his style (exactly what he needed to present to us). At that moment I was so pedagogically coherent to understand his traumatic process and how to motivate him to regain confidence and creativity. 

While reflecting on my own moment of frustration and alienation I noticed how paradoxical it was, that a roughly 24 hour offset can produce such an enormous contrast of a mindset and approach. It revealed to me what force stress is, its power to disrupt, to bring tremendous levels of noise and fragmentation to my mental processes. I was very fortunate to receive feedback that day from Paul Pos, with whom I only got a brief chance of a dialogue (which he generously offered to expand a few days later) and Nan Wang, a dear colleague, who worked with me before and was patient, practical, insightful and very human. 

There are more details to this story that I consider relevant and confronting, however, for the sake of time and resources I decide to keep this brief but I am open to conversation if so wished by the reader. In a strange turn of events I feel privileged to have failed in such way, as contradictory as it may sound, this paradox revealed so much to me that it’s positive effects go way beyond the scope of my pedagogical formation.